the south side…

if only God had provided map on each and every road that we drive along, so shall we not be guessing what’s ahead or would there be further cross roads, or where to turn or should winding roads are near. it could have had led anyone exactly where to go and how to get there without the hassles.

but should there really be a guide map, should I get hold of it? Nah! I don’t think so. Not because I want to live life the hard way, but because I know, as a person who had stood in own footing and freedom, would not like to have a predestined life as the map would point me where to go. no one I assume would like that to happen. God didn’t only give us the ability of to only read and follow. He made us recognize options, choices. He made us capable of making it thru any clogged roads or path ways. it is like He gave us vehicles complete of brakes, headlight, windshield, and everything for us to make it thru our journey. too bad I most of the times neglected to do check-ups. didn’t notice my whole system is not running so smoothly.

I lost sight of many road signs, land marks, friends’ apprehending gestures and detours.

I may now had been in serious rough roads right now, but despite that I’m glad that I am here still going on and on,though slowly. not driving towards nirvana anymore but en route for the consolations of life it could bestow me.

grieve no more. God is good, all the time! All the time, God is good!

I had been dealing with a lot of uncertainties these past weeks…. A grisly scenario for someone who have had already lost tons of optimisms in this world. I know im not alone. Like Larry Brown being kicked out of the Knicks for not being able to capitalize on major overhauling stakes given unto him. Now I know how it feels being kicked out of the system that never had you wanted being detached. My life in synopsis is tragic. always been in the shadows of failure and dissatisfaction.

Regrets, regrets.

I have regrets, regrets,

for my mistakes an’ thinking only of my self

and all that I have left are these regrets, regrets,

for the things I did that somehow you just can’t forgive

I guess I’ll always have to live with these regrets

-Perry Como

Change is constant. But will my fate ever change? Maybe I should just rest my case. Let this troubled stream water flush me wherever it goes. And this time I wont hope ending up in a nice and calm stream there is. For the sound of stream is a sound of eyes filled with tears. I won’t blame anyone. I now surrender my Nirvana dream.

…asa lng.

Solitude of my heart was hard to revive,

the loneliness I got darkens my life.

Afraid to surrender to anyone my love,

for my heart was unblessed by the One above.

Then in a thin road I surpassed,

my desperate eyes made me glance.

with glimpses of you  I felt a spark

Seeing a precious gem in a lady’s heart.

I swing again my heart along the horizon,

prayers sent to heaven where love is born.

Though I’m scared and wary that you may leave me,

at least by now  you made me smile completely.

You gave amazing ways for me to feel,

in life that’s short you made me see,

that optimism and chances of being happy

the heart of yours made me believe in thee.

(in time…)

theen here sent my attention on the statements I placed under the “who I want to meet?” friendster section.  It goes “the one who my heart belongs to, like the stars with the sky. The one I bring roses to, and say everyday I love you. The one that I travel hundred miles to just see her smile… The one who I wish I could be with forever. Like how water remains in the streams and constantly flowing. The one I want to stay by my side, and bring our fairy tales alive…”

Then I wondered… And thinking a person as such as a pessimistic that I am would lay my ideals of the subject matter on that premise. I was hyped perhaps when I wrote that. Just wasn’t congruent on what the real side of this intricate blue planet had shown me.

Some were just bare fortunate to have had found a fairy tale. Or some may had been too patient and lucky in their search for their “they live happily ever after” story or was too patient in webbing the magic of their own. But patience and sacrifices aint always enough. Nor all the ingredients for everlasting love plus all the virtues and guiding principles of love won’t guarantee cupid’s blessings.

I concluded into myself even long before that the so called “destined one” was just aint real. One cannot even justify that they had found their destined someone even in the binds of marriage. ‘coz what if they suddenly got separated, like someone got involved with somebody else, or if one day they woke up and suddenly finds out that they had fallen out of love. It may always happen, to anyone, to anybody however strong the love that they have from the start.

So it is, dream love is nothing but a dream. Perfect love doesn’t exist. And finding one aint worth it. And one should at least be happy when the love he/she found was just not the right one, ‘coz its much better to have it than the right and perfect love that was never found.

One day I realized how big it was,

the short lane we traveled and passed.

A kind of friendship you gave,

was a little of everything I will save.

The gift of chance to my life’s a glance,

the first days of June I am delighted at once

Should had been happy and satisfied

I looked beyond and failed to realize.

You told me to leave if I must

and say goodbye to a friend I loved and trust.

I turned my back and walked away

just before October’s very last.

Wherever I go I’ll remember and relish

however hasty and inadequate.

I will always be grateful and mindful

and for that little everything I will forever thankful

September Love

I vent on times to picture our past

And relish each word of times of yore

To maze and fonder the romance we’ve had

Dazzled by turns of change of clouds.

The reverie makes me feel again

Your careful heart that made me sink.

The aura that you create makes me envy

The one that holds it permanently.

Whatever it is that became of us

Those treasure will remain to last.

For you had been cupids treasure bid

For my forlorn heart to love.